Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
