i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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