I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
