dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
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wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize