I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
