Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
