I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
