So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
