I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
