I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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