Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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