I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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