Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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