thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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