I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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