The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
