Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
