I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize