Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
