im drinking this country out of the recession.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
