Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
