Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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