i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
