It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
