So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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