Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
