The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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