Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
