Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
