You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
