4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
