I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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