I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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