Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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