I could make wine with my vomit
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
