I just threw up on my dentist
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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