If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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