Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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