Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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