do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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