Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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