Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
