me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
