I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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