That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
