I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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