There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
