end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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