no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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