just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
