you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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