toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
