i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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