# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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