sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
