just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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