"it" just moved
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you will always have a special place in my vag
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
