she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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