god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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