Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
