So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
