My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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