There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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