last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
