Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
