We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
