my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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