DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
