I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
