I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
