How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
